Outrospection > Introspection
And the best place to have it? Therapy!
As google suggests, “introspection” is more or less a space where you use your mind to think about what you are thinking. The brain ponders over the brain. It’s a meta space, and one requires a superior level of self-awareness to introspect well. I believe that there is nothing more complex than the human brain — its deepest levels remain a mystery still.
“Introspection requires a superior level of self-awareness.” What does this mean? Am I not introspecting to gauge the insight? If I already have it then why do I need to introspect? Well, it is an ongoing process, one never gets the title of an “introspect-ed being.” It is like every self-enhancement task you commit to — you keep doing it. And as a result, the insight you develop from it reinforces further introspection — a mobius strip. However, when the mind is not fairly self-aware, this introspection can easily translate into something dangerous for the mind — rumination. Rumination refers to overthinking, which an unaware mind can organically equate with introspection. And here comes another mobius strip, but its theme is self-sabotage. Hence, too bad for Socrates but “too much introspection” can be a very unhealthy practice.
How can we practice healthy introspection?
Outrospection (Roman Krznaric): A practice where you get to know yourself with your interaction with others.
While introspection focuses on self-reflection and examining one’s own mind, outrospection involves interacting with other people in our lives, which enables us to understand ourselves a little more. It is the space where we ask the people we trust to tell us about ourselves, we ask them questions about how they see us, where they think we thrive, what they think triggers us, how they think we can lead our best lives, and the like. We take the perspective of another person into account (we don’t rely on it completely) for exploring different aspects of ourselves. It also includes a process where we listen to the stories of other people and learn about them. You’d surprise at how much of yourself you find in someone else.
Outrospection requisites empathy, trust, and connection. Over the few years, we have started looking at validation in a rather negative light. But, not all forms and areas of validation reflect one’s lack of self-worth. If you do not get validated for what you do, then how much of fuel can keep burning without refilling? In order to give, we must receive!
A therapeutic alliance is the best space for outrospection
Now, that’s the google definition of it. But, the way I see it, a therapeutic alliance is a space where trust is the most important cornerstone. It is the space where a human being can realise their true worth because it validates their very existence. A world where our existence is repeatedly proven to be “unworthy”, this alliance is where we realise our utmost significance. The therapist allows the client to be themselves in their entirety, they allow the client to express anything and everything that they want to without fearing any form of judgement.
When we talk to our friends and family, we more often than not consider how they are going to perceive us; the impression that we will form on them. In a therapeutic relationship, however, this fear takes a back seat once we establish a beautiful rapport with the therapist. It is literally this person’s job to make us feel that they accept us no matter how we present ourselves in this world. It’s a space where our problems are acknowledged and we aren’t gaslighted for having them in the first place. You get to know yourself better, you develop insight into your authenticity, you gradually start getting closer to yourself. You start constructing your own mental home. Therapy, indubitably, is a slow-burn process, but every session is worth the awareness that you develop.
I do not promote therapy only because I am a counsellor but also because I have been a client for over a year now. And in this entire time, the degree to which I have come closer to myself is stupendous! I have experienced being on both the sides of this alliance, and they are immensely rewarding.
I intend to keep this article short, so this is what I’ll leave you with:
If you really want to self-love, please see a therapist. Give yourself what you deserve!
