2011, I remember it vividly, Celine Dion’s “I surrender”, and my pseudo-wannabe-self trying to imitate her. Being thirteen, what could this ten letter word conceivably mean to me? Nothing more than the act of submitting yourself to the authorities, or the alleged notion of ‘giving up.’
However, by the time I passed my developmental stage, the word’s meaning was seeking an expansion in my mind, and I gave it its due. The meaning of it was starting to grow more and more,
..and to my surprise, there were depths and levels to this melancholic word,
From the expression of ‘giving up’, it turned into the ‘art of letting go’ after my first break up..At one point, though, it also started shifting towards ‘absconding’, but I could instantly tell that I wasn’t processing the levels of it enough,
And in my attempt to heal the incongruities between the ideal surrender and the real surrender,
I decided to change my morose notion of it to something that reminds all of us of a beautiful night on the beach, a tinge of yellow light, and a deep blue sky.
Neither do I have the ulterior motive to change the essence of your perception that operates when you encounter this word, that’s what CBT would do, nor do I intend to change your association between surrender and submission.
My only intention is to stimulate your heart enough to allow its authentic self to breathe within you.
The universe has something planned for all of us, and no I don’t mean submit yourself to destiny and let it take over you.
All I mean is, there are people who’re out of your control, and will always be;
there are situations you will come across, that you could never predict;
there will be moments you’d fight between need and want, fantasy and reality,
and you’d fret; you’d cringe; you’d fluster; you’d muddle; you’d perturb
How much could you even fight? How annoying though - no one understands how crazy it drives you to continue fighting, or how much it agitates you to show resistance to your pain: continue to challenge it aggressively while it’s stoked every time it visits you..I understand, I fight pain everyday, however, not in a way where I allow it to destruct me,
But by allowing it to ensconce me,
Everyday when the pain in my heart gets triggered, I allow it to sit down there and let it feel it’s significance like no one else has ever made it feel,
I let it pinch me and experience the extent to which it could hurt my heart,
I let pain increase its sense of value and worth — as it sits inside me, without me trying to resist it..for once, there’s someone who accepts pain in its most genuine form, for once there’s someone offering it an unconditional positive regard.
Perhaps I’m just more accommodating, or perhaps I don’t like to disown the things that live inside me, but whatever it might be,
With all these fights, I’ve come to believe that once you come to terms with this pain, and let it cuddle with your welcoming heart, it endorses your beautiful growth, and you start to relish it.
Once you surrender, you inculcate the life’s deepest meaning,
And that’s ‘learning’
You learn to acknowledge all your lessons,
You learn to believe in good,
You start to believe in vibes; in energies,
You learn to trust yourself with the uncertainty of it all,
Because in a world where ‘humaness’ is nothing more than a gradual process of entropy, acceptance is the only path to true well-being.
I’d leave you with a question:
Have you ever been able to visualise a future event in your mind and later actually witness it being carried out in the exact same manner?
Life is a series of events that are determined by compound effect — you can never imagine the intricate scenarios that you manifest subliminally: So let it go, be in the moment, let go of control, whatever is yours to embrace - will find its way to you.
You’ve got you, my love.